A letter to Chris Cornell

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Dear Mr. Chris Cornell, 

I made a list once of things I would miss in this world should I no longer choose to be in it. It’s 2.5 pages long. You are on the first page. 

No, I never met you. I never even saw you perform live. I wish I could have seen that. I wish I could have witnessed your voice light up a crowd more than anything right now. My heart is heavy.

Some people might only know you as “the guy from Soundgarden”. I know you all the way back to 1990.  I know you as the friend and roommate of legend Andy Wood and the birth of the band Mother Love Bone. I know that after he died from a heroin overdose, you created the band “Temple of the Dog” as a tribute to carry on what Mother Love Bone started.


You sir, are one of the founding fathers of an era in music history called “Grunge”. Music that wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows. Music with lyrics that helped millions of people acknowledge and deal with depression, mental illness, addiction, anxiety and the very real demon of suicide. You wrote about things everyone feels, but no one talks about.

Outshined- “I’m looking California and feeling Minnesota”

Black Hole Sun- “In my eyes, indisposed, in disguises, no one knows”; 

Seasons-“And I’m lost behind, the words I’ll never find”. 

You also wrote a song called “Hunger Strike” that has built the foundation of my love for music. With this song alone, you saved my life. You brought into my heart the voice of Eddie Vedder, like fireworks in the most beautiful duet I’ve ever heard. 


I may not have met you, but you have sat with me in the dark when I couldn’t bare the light. You have comforted me, inspired me, celebrated with me, traveled years and miles with me in the front dash of every car I have owned. You have shared pieces of your soul with the world and in doing so, brought us closer together with music. 

In closing Mr. Cornell, you are not to me another musician who took his own life. You are one of the people who have saved mine. You are family. You are a legend. You are loved, and you are sorely missed beyond belief by all of us. 

Xoxo

❤ Kat

Own Who You Are

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It is a terribly tragic thing; the way a person can become so familiar with abuse throughout a lifetime, that even long after the escape, they fall so quickly back into the darkness at their very own leaping, as if their heart had never been dancing in the light before. 

Yet, how beautiful it is to be lifted up everyday by people who know you better than you know yourself. People who see you fall and help you get back up. How wonderful it is, to have someone call you out on your own shit. To remind you of your worth with an inside joke, a smile, a kiss, a text, a rose 🌹. Whatever it is, these people are your tribe.

I guess some of us really do get that lucky. If you are that lucky, thank your tribe and help them back up too. 

If you find yourself back in the darkness and you have not found your luck yet, may I take a moment to call you out on your own shit, and remind you how hard you have fought every single day before this one. How your track record of bad days is actually pretty fucking stellar and the fact that you keep forgetting that is the only thing making today even more exhausting.

You aren’t perfect and you don’t need to be. Stop trying to look and act like the rest of the world. For in your imperfections, you are MORE than perfect. You are a work of art, and this life is your very own canvas. A limited edition, by yours truly.

While you may not be able to leave this museum you find yourself bounded to by life’s etching, you sure as hell can paint it any color that you’d like! You can even break down a wall every once in a while and let in a little bit of light. 

After all, you do own the place. 

Xoxo 

Kat

A letter to my Ex-Husband

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So many women and men in my life right now are struggling with their relationships. They struggle with staying or leaving. They struggle to build trust, respect or just to find that love that used to be there. They struggle with feeling worthless and confused. It is for this reason that I am publishing the following letter. This is a very personal letter that I wrote today upon realizing it had been two years since I was where some of you are. I just hope this moves you, inspires you, or at least lets you know it’s not the end.

Two years ago today, I decided to let you walk away. This time, I nailed the door shut. I duck taped the corners so your shadow couldn’t peek through.

I didn’t give up, I had just had enough. Enough of begging you to stay, enough of watching you pack and unpack. Enough of being made to feel the way I gave you the power to make me feel. Enough.

You always told me I would be lost without you, that if it weren’t for you who knows where I would be. You used to say that you “made me” and “Just remember how far you’ve come…”, that was your favorite lie.

Well, we both know the only thing you ever made was a real fucking mess. You certainly made one out of me. I’m still cleaning it up. Nine years in a storm takes time to recover from, but things are looking brighter every day.

Truth is, you wouldn’t recognize me if I passed you on the street. You see… these days I walk with my head held high and my heels higher. I take care of my body, my mind, and nobody loves me as much as I love me. I laugh loud and obnoxiously. I sing. I dance. I love like crazy! I EAT. I SLEEP. I DRINK. I travel without permission and I fill my heart with things you told me I’d never have. My debts are paid, emotionally and financially.

Yes, I’m still always late for everything because of who I am as a person.I still hold open doors, give strangers a ride to the store and stop to feed those “bums” on the street. Not because I’m stupid, but because that’s how people SHOULD treat people.

Yes, I still struggle with anxiety and depression, but those things will always be a part of me and I love that about me too. There is strength in weakness.

I still go to church even though I’m not perfect, because God doesn’t need me to be perfect. He just needs me to be good, and I am good. I am beautiful, strong and growing. I’m growing into all the things you wouldn’t recognize in me. The things that have always been there in the first place, they just needed to be let into the light.

The best part of my life today is that I am never as lonely as I was with you. The thing about being dead is you don’t know your dead. I am not dead anymore. I am at peace and I have so much love from my friends and family that it overflows from my heart and it spreads into the lives of those around me. I am better. I am living. Ultimately, I have you to thank for that.

Thank you for the pain. Thank you for walking away. Thank you for the lies, the apologies, the tears. Thank you for breaking me down into pieces so that I could build myself back up again. Thank you for rock bottom. Thank you from the depths of my crazy, imperfect, beautiful soul. I wish you all of the happiness in this world.

Respectfully, 

The one you made.

katvaldez